Becoming a mother for the first time brings an array of feelings and emotions. From the moment you find out you're pregnant, to the next 9 months filled with joy, excitement, anxiety, fear and most likely several trips to the midwife, panicking over the obscene amount of 'gu' in your knickers (yes, that's correct and admit you know EXACTLY what we mean...). It's a total whirlwind, a magical journey and an absolute blessing. You're suddenly treated like the most precious cargo in the world; people politely offer their seats to you, cook you lovely warm meals, run out at 3am to get you Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough and gaze at you adoringly.
And then, post pregnancy and labour, the real fun begins. Sorry, let us slightly elaborate on that. When we say 'real', we don't take that lightly. We mean, 'real life', like, the REAL shit. The reality. Becoming a mother for the first time, whether it's something you have planned for years and have had a pinterest board since 2002 collecting all your nursery inspo, you are never really 'prepared.' You THINK you are, and don't get us wrong, you may be very aware of the complete life change that's about to happen, but when it does happen, and you're in the midst of it, it can seriously hit you like bus. In the face. At a very high speed. Yes, it's the most incredible experience in the world and you suddenly find a brand new version of you, someone you probably never knew existed. A less selfish human being who can suddenly cope (just about) on perhaps two hours sleep a night and who bursts into tears when a cute puppy appears on TV, but once we stepped foot out of that hospital, with all its comfort, midwife support and safe four walls, they waved goodbye, the doors closed, we shuffled to the car, brand new wrinkly baby in tow, side planked into the car with our post partum but cushion (our new best friend for the next two weeks) and that was it. It was as if we never existed. We were suddenly left to fend for ourselves and this tiny, tiny little nugget.
And honestly, this was one of the biggest shocks we had throughout our whole journey to and during motherhood so far. And whilst we realised that the mundane Post Natal classes were a dud and pretty much only taught us how wide your cervix opens during dilation by using a fist and sleeve as an example... (i'm sure you can picture), what they most definitely didn't care to teach us, was how the f**k to take care of a baby once it arrives and how utterly shite we would feel after labour.
Every new mum can relate to this topic, that sudden wave of pure fear and panic when you get home. It's not like bringing home your first goldfish that's ok to perhaps not feed for a week...(oops), this is a human life you have to nurture and keep alive. And how effing scary is that? Neither of us knew how to even change a nappy when we brought Delilah and Zack home and spent most of our days on YouTube or googling how to do the basics, constantly calling each other up in states of panic over whether we used the powdered milk correctly, or had burped them long enough. The pair of us would spend the whole night (well, the minutes they weren't awake feeding) staring into their little cots next to our beds, checking they were breathing, checking their temperatures, poking and prodding at them to make sure they were alive (and then they would wake up and and cry and we would instantly regret that decision - but would still continue to do it nightly for weeks on end...) and were constantly questioning our parent abilities. Then the husbands go back to work and you really ARE on your own.
Don't get us wrong, you do have the occasional midwife drop in (where they come and visit you at your home) during the first few weeks post partum, where they check you and the baby over and you can express any concerns or ask for advice, but within half an hour it's over and they're gone. We just wish that we were pre-warned about the sudden feeling of complete isolation when we first walked through our front doors with our newborns. When the adrenaline runs out and you're hit with the reality of motherhood and don't get us wrong, now that both of ours are over one years old, we have realised just how much we have grown as individuals and can't quite believe what we have achieved as mums when we watch Zack and Delilah play together, and in a way, we do credit that to being thrown into the deep end on our own, but we hear the same thing from every new mum we speak to, that they just WISH they had been taught so much more about their up and coming new lives, before the baby arrived.
They wish that someone had sat them down and been honest with them. Perhaps took them out for coffee and said "HAHAHA you wait luv, you're vag is gonna burn like a bonfire, your baby is going to scream for hours on end and you'll have no idea why and put it down to 'colic', you'll forget the last time you washed your hair or how long you've worn your sick stained t-shirt for BUT you will adore this incredible little being you have grown in your belly for so many months," but whilst times may get tough, and you may even question why you were so desperate to have a child in the first place, you will look at your baby and never feel so much pride and joy for something in your life. The sense of overwhelming and all encompassing love you have for your son or daughter is something that is indescribable. And even if it has taken you a few weeks or months to get to that point, you WILL feel it, and you will remind yourself on the days you wish to shut yourself in a padded room, that it's all worth it in the end (preparation or not!)...
