Let's Talk Relationships...

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   Whilst since becoming first time mums, we have spent many a (cold) coffee pouring our tired and confused hearts out to each other over the topics of baby poop, rashes, teething, and whether it's ok that we have given our child fish fingers three meals in a row... (sorry Kale blending Cynthia), one topic of conversation that rarely raises its angry head and seems to be the biggest taboo subject of all new parents (yet is also the most common) is our relationship with our partners. 
The odd occasion we have been with fellow new mothers, whether sitting next to each other on the floor during our mundane baby groups, or opposite each other at a restaurant table, stealthily dodging the flying peas, spoons and other table paraphernalia, just one teeny, tiny moan or groan from any one of us after putting the phone down to our daaaaarling husbands, seems to create an atmosphere ready to explode with an array of verbal diarrhea blasting their other halves. 

It's common (yet rarely discussed) knowledge, that once this teeny, tiny bundle of joy appears, your relationship with your partner can get extremely tested.
But why are we all so ashamed to say so? Don't get us wrong, we love our husbands dearly, however, on top of all the other bits and pieces that they never tell you about post birth, this is by far the one that seems to have caught the cat's tongue the most.

When you come home from that hospital and start your brand new life as a little family, it's only natural that the strains, pressures and stresses of bringing up a brand new human will take its toll on you both. The first few weeks post partum were great (obviously excluding the leaking breasts, throbbing vagina and Frankenstein looking stomach) and it carried on as sweet as pie. Our feet were up and rubbed, mouths were fed and the doting respect we received was beyond. But hark, what changed we ask ourselves now, as we stand with child on hip, sweet potato in hair, scratch marks on our face post baby tantrum and a bleeding foot after stepping on one of those effing musical toys.

You're both snappy, irritable, lacking in sleep, hot coffee's and hot meals, the tensions are rising and you find that you're constantly bickering over what in reality, is beyond trivial. From wiping the baby's bum wrong, to not swaying her correctly, to not shaking the bottle enough to ensure the powder has fully dissolved... the list goes on. And when life starts to go back to 'normal' and your husband goes back to work, the sudden wave of resentment and jealousy comes seeping through your pores. Again, this is all SO NORMAL, and something that ourselves and our fellow mum friends used to discuss pretty much daily. You watch your partner leave the house, all suited and booted, on his way to grab breakfast and coffee and sit at a desk (actually sit), eat his lunch in peace, pee in piece, converse with actual adults and spend a sold 8 hours without being thrown up or shat on. So when he comes home at the end of the day and asks you 'how your day's been?' well we have all been there, whether you burst into tears, storm off, or simply sit there in silence on the sofa, still in last night's pyjamas but with a beautiful sprinkling of sick down your shoulder, the overwhelming feeling of 'it's not fair, why am i stuck at home feeling like I've been hit by a bus' consumes you. And again, we are here to say, this is all so normal.

With arguments ranging from 'who has had more sleep?' to 'who has had the most hot coffee's today?' to 'who gets to get dressed and go out' or 'who will be getting up in the night?' 'who is making the milk?' 'who's more exhausted?' it can become a battle and daily competition with your other half, as you both try to find your feet in the parenting world. And you soon come to learn and realise, that it's no longer about yourself or you both as a couple anymore, and that you are now last in the food chain and that it's all about learning to find the balance.

So whilst us new mums struggle to feel ourselves and can feel totally lost in the first few months of motherood, desperately trying to re find our identity, the dads can feel very pushed out, and as if they are no longer the centre of our universe.

Lack of communication, exhaustion and entering a brand new, scary world, is what it all comes down to at the end of the day, and is something that the majority of us new parents will experience or have already. Just know, that whatever you may be going through with your partner since the birth of your baby/babies, is pretty much like an initiation to parenthood... and we have ALL been there. 

So what's the issue exactly? Why are we all so worried to say that our marriages went a leeeetle bit Pete Tong since the birth of our children? Because we guarantee you, that 90% of the mums you speak to or see on a regular basis, will damn well tell you that they feel the same, and are probably desperate to talk about it. Well that's why we are here, and why we set up this blog and our Instagram account. We are here to get the ball rolling AND TALK ABOUT IT. And to reassure you all that you are never alone :)


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